Donald Trump, a failed incompetent billionaire who bragged about sexually assaulting women to his buddy on a bus, openly mocked the disabled in the same way he mocks everyone he doesn’t like, and thinks veterans are weak, ran a successful presidential campaign based upon racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, and bigotry. His campaign strategy included gaining the support of the KKK, White Supremacists, and nazis, in order to secure the votes of angry caucasian blue-collar men and women.
Aided by Vladimir Putin, with whom he never met nor communicated, he lead an assault on the minds of the witless populous who easily bought into the fake news provided by the Russians. These attacks took aim at his opponent Hillary Clinton by using hacked emails that unfairly used her own words in context as a political bludgeon. The major news networks, in an attempt to combat this influx of fake news, devoted every resource at their disposal to uncover the links between the Trump campaign and Russia. Unfortunately after months of 24/7 investigative work, the incompetent candidate had simply done too thorough of a job covering up his misdeeds, and not a single piece of verifiable evidence remained. The mainstream media valiantly reported throughout the campaign about how incredibly dangerous Trump’s candidacy was to democracy and almost from the beginning was forced to coordinate with the Clinton campaign, just to stem the tide of supporters calling for a fascist dictator to be elected to the presidency. These fascists, who worship Trump’s every word, were giddy when he proclaimed that he would not accept the results of the election if he did not think the results were accurate. Democrats rightly scoffed in condemnation of the disrespect this statement showed for the constitution and our democratic principles, specifically the peaceful transition of power.
Due to a previous republican witch hunt against Hillary over her deletion of emails under congressional subpoena, the Obama appointed head of the FBI made an announcement just one week before the election, stating that they were examining new evidence regarding the crimes for which she was never charged. After several days of investigation, another statement was released stating that the FBI would again not be filing charges for her criminal mishandling of classified materials. Clearly this transparency, from a government official was meant to drive a wedge between Hillary and undecided voters.
On election day, armed with a constituency of Russian fake news fed racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic, Nazi men and women, Donald Trump was able to crack the blue wall. His demon horde conquered Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin and ultimately provided him with an electoral college win. Technically speaking, winning the presidency requires winning the majority of electoral votes by winning a diverse group of states, but it is worth noting that Hillary actually won the popular vote. Rightly this was a major point of contention with angry Hillary supporters that marched, blocked traffic, assaulted people, and rioted peacefully in the streets for several weeks after election day.
It was clear that something fishy had happened in the blue wall states. Jill Stein, received an analysis of the voting data and found discrepancies that could very well represent a Russian hacker infiltrating the voting machines in those states. Bravely she raised enough money to launch a recount in the same 3 states that Hillary never visited, in an attempt to see the will of the people served. Unfortunately again democracy was thwarted when the results of the recount ended in a net gain of votes for Trump.
During the recount efforts meant to overturn the results of a what was technically an electoral “win” for Trump, a daring plan was devised. Through a rarely used but totally intended interpretation of the constitutional rules regarding how electoral votes are cast, a strategy emerged to flood republican electors with strongly worded mail, tweets, emails, and even live one on one communications, totally not death threats. The goal was to gently sway the minds of these electors and hope that they would come to realize the illegitimacy of Trump’s electoral win and vote for another candidate and certainly not to undermine our entire democracy because of hurt feelings. Despite the barrage of lovingly stern messages sent to these cowardly electors, the will of the people was again thwarted by republicans desperately hiding behind the previously accepted interpretation of the constitution.
The resistance to Donald Trump has continued unabated as it should. The major news networks are still desperately looking for evidence of collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. Many should remain hopeful that after a full year of investigations into the issue, we may some day see a report that has verifiable facts in it. I applaud both those that decided to resist through peaceful demonstrations against a Gay Jewish Nazi Fascist speakers by setting the campus on fire and beating strangers, and also those that have let their voices be heard at republican town halls. It remains to be seen whether or not any mutual understanding has been achieved through the screaming of their points at the politician holding the town hall, but I would like to think that at the end of the day they found some common ground.
Since the Inauguration, Not My President Donald Trump, has been acting just as you would expect an incompetent Russian Puppet Hitler analog to behave. When he isn’t defying the Russian government, he is rampaging across the country fulfilling his racist xenophobic campaign promises at a pace that only an incompetent fool surrounded by chaos would try to keep. Firing off tweetstorms about upholding laws, ending child trafficking, saving Israel, upholding free speech, keeping secrets, destroying terrorists, lying press, minorities being killed in Chicago, and none of it, is at all presidential. According to the latest polls, even his supporters don’t like him anymore and polling data has proven to be the most accurate gauge of public opinion. He hasn’t softened any of his most ridiculous positions at all except immigration, deportation, torture, obamacare, entitlements, and climate change.
Over the last few months I have come to understand that Donald Trump is such a fascist racist homophobic xenophobic sexist nazi dictator that literally no one fears speaking out against him at literally any venue, event or on any social platform. No matter their race, gender, sexual orientation, country of origin, or religion, everyone is free to speak openly about their anger or even their homicidal feelings towards Trump without fear of retribution and clearly this is deeply troubling. I have also learned that he is the only Racist sexist xenophobic homophobic ignorant incompetent mentally ill failed billionaire Russian puppet President in the history of the planet to ever defeat the Clintons, the media, the democratic party, the rhino republicans, the NeverTrumpers, the industrial military complex, the deep state, and the sjw’s without violence or misuse of power. What is even more remarkable than that achievement is that there is literally not one demonstrable instance of any of the labels that have been applied to him that are valid in the context of which they are being used. Not one.
If during the course of reading this you thought that the version of the events that I described was accurate or logical, I would strongly suggest that you take some time to reevaluate the ludicrous nature of this narrative. Donald Trump is not a monster, the monster is the fear that has driven you to create one in your mind. Go back and read the story again and again until it sounds as ridiculous as it really is.